Crying it out (II)

As Mandy said in her previous post, we are in the process of trying to get Thomas on a better sleep schedule since he ultimately needs to be able to get to sleep and return to sleep on his own (neither of which is happening right now).

Many of the leading sleep experts advocate strategies that involved allowing a baby cry under controlled conditions. A fair number of other parents that we know and trust have used these strategies and told us that they have led to positive outcomes.

Most seem to have healthy well-adjusted children.

Anyhow, before moving to such a regime we first had to convince ourselves that it really was the best thing for Thomas. In the end we decided that this approach - while excruciating for everyone - is probably the most efficient and compassionate ways to get things on track. And so we began.

We have been using the method outlined in the book that Mandy referenced. Its theory is that once the baby is down, you don't return to the room (for naps you return after one hour, if the baby hasn't gone to sleep). Quickly the baby figures out that crying for attention doesn't work and they go to sleep. As you can imagine (or in many cases know), this is tough for everybody, but typically a family has a few miserable days and then things begin to fall into place.

Well, we got a good dose of misery last night. We put down Thomas around seven and retreated downstairs. For three and a half hours he cried with only a single half an hour break. At ten thirty we decided that we had had enough and I went in. He was in quite a state and had at some point thrown up all over his bed. Although the books say that this can happen, and suggest calmly cleaning things up and putting the child back to bed, I felt absolutely awful, especially not knowing how long ago he had thrown up.

Intellectually, I remained committed to continuing. Emotionally, I felt unworthy to even hold him. He went out like a light once we took him into our bed, but I couldn't get to sleep for a long time. I wasn't beating myself up for my intentions (we're doing this for his own good), but I was questioning my judgment. Was this really the right thing?

So, this morning we held a strategy session. Unpleasant though this episode was, we were still prepared to continue. We did, however, revise our tactics. We're still letting him cry it out, but are checking at regular but increasing intervals (Ferberizing).

Over the course of the day we tried napping four separate times, but we only managed two twenty minute naps (which are widely considered to be too short to really count). I put him down around twenty minutes ago, and he is still crying.

Anyhow, thanks all of you who wrote or called over the last 24 hours to offer your support. It means a lot and it's good to know that others have walked this path before us.